I'm right there with you Joan!!!
It's one of those things I've not yet been able to understand or more like identify with and I was astounded when I heard another masto patient, who has been in this game for about 15 years say that there is this kind of weird competition amongst us as to who is "SM" and who isn't and those who are seem to think they belong to some special club or group and this makes them more important or special or whatever!!
In fact I've mentioned it before here but if you talk amongst some of those on the other sites, they list what they have behind their names much like doctors list their degrees!! Yikes!!
I've got 4 years of psychology due to my university studies for education for we depend a lot on psychology to help us identify learning difficulties and behavioral problems in children and their parents since this so interferes with children's well being in school and when I saw all the things listed after some people's names I thought, what on earth is that? When this person told me I was shocked for the last thing any of us want, or more like, the last thing any mentally healthy person should want is to be identified by an illness. Well, these people are not only identified by their illness, they also are defined by it for this is what they seem to show is most important about who they are. Well, amidst a group of people we all try to identify who we are in that group, but this is one group that I, personally, am sorry that I had to join!! I'm grateful for all of the friendships I've made and the way that you all have enriched my life and helped me when I've been most in need. But as much as I don't like saying this, and I'm sure you will all agree with me, but I sure do wish we could have met one another on some other terms than these!!! Why couldn't it have been a horse appreciation club or a cooking club or a basket weaving club or who knows what else? Why did it have to be a club based upon being SICK?!! I don't like the fact that I had to rejoice when my first positive answer came back and it pointed to masto!! I didn't like that I was relieved when it was positive for masto and that took me out of the hot water for carcinoid!! I don't like the fact that I've become a research subject for Harvard and that my son has now joined in with these researchers looking at us so closely!
I WANT TO GO BACK TO ANONIMITY!!!!!! I WANT TO GO BACK TO BEING NORMAL AND HEALTHY AND JUST PLAIN ME!!!!!!!!!!!
BUT......If I do have to live with this reality...THEN I'M GOING TO MAKE THE VERY BEST OF IT THAT I CAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Since I can't change my situation and it doesn't seem that God is going to intervene either, well then, I've got some CHOICES to make!!
So, I REFUSE to be defined by this disease. Masto is NOT LISA and LISA is NOT MASTO!! It is a part of my life and a very inconvenient part of my life and nothing I'm proud about!! I'M A MOTHER!!! I AM A WIFE!! I'M A SCHOOL PRINCIPLE AND TEACHER!! I'M AN AMERICAN!! I AM A PASTOR'S WIFE!!! And I am a number of other things!!! I am NOT masto!!! It is a mere inconvenience and I must learn to live with it and put it into it's proper place of importance in my life!!!
I think that especially for today I am going to do a something a bit different.
Happy Mother's days to you ladies!!!
LISA / jenny/chris/spencer