Hello friends:)
I'm having a bad day today. My MC's are acting up a bit and I'm feeling down.
I suffer from anxiety which gets much worse when my MC's are misbehaving.
(It probably didn't help that my mother kicked off my morning by telling me that I'm "torturing myself". She means well, but has a horrible time relaying her feelings into words.)
Anyways, this may sound silly, but I'm upset about my only son being 10 years old! When he was born, I suffered postpartum depression which really turned into long term depression which in turn prevented me from having another child as originally planned.
When I finally got the depression under control with medication about 6 years ago, I was hit hard with my mast cell disorder.
I feel like the last 5-6 years of my life have been a blur. It's like I've missed out on life, especially life with my child. It really bums me out.
I would do anything to get those years back. It's not that I've been a bad or neglectful mom (I think I've done a pretty good job considering how crappy I have felt most of the time)  I just don't feel like I've been fully present and have been the enjoyment I feel like I should have had/have has been seriously compromised by MCAS.
At this point I would love to have another child; but on so many levels, I don't think it is possible (medication, stamina, being overweight etc etc)
Do any of of you feel like mast cell disease has robbed you of your life?
My son is always saying that I'm "the best mom in the world", which makes me feel good, but so much of my time and energy has be taken by this insidious disorder. Ugh.
I know I need to count my blessings; and I do. I just want to get to a place where this disorder is a part of my life, but doesn't dominate my life, if that makes any sense.
Thanks for reading:) hope everyone is feeling good:)

Thanks redbird;) and thanks for the stories! I'm a black coffee girl too! And always searching for the perfect cup! Lol
I guess it is ok to have those pity parties for ourselves once in awhile. A good cry can do wonders for me. I just turned 38 on July 7th..and although I'm not necessarily struggling with my age, I'm perplexed at how quickly 30-38 went. 8 years as a child was an eternity. Now, 30 seems like yesterday...and my son's first day of kindergarten feels like last year, but he starts 5th grade in August.
Between trying to figure out what was wrong with me for so long, BRAIN FOG and deciphering triggers and patterns, life has turned into somewhat of a blur for me.
I'm going to work on being in the present. Not sure how to do this as I tend to be a "what if" kind if person, but I will try. Especially for the sake of my husband and son (and myself)
I still have my boy under my roof for 8 more years.....maybe more!..and he will always be my boy