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Learning how to explain (Read 10168 times)
Lisa
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Volta Redonda, RJ Brazil
Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #15 - 05/20/12 at 16:23:43
 
BTW - Sorry about the kitty!!   Not a pleasant task, I'm afraid.  


Good job on the weight limit!!!  Keep the good work up!!!


You know, Lori, when we really take a really good look at this disease and all it can do to us, it really is not one of those horrible diseases that we could have gotten!!   I think that so very often we humans are so weak and we are always feeling so sorry for ourselves.   Although I live in a really great part of Brazil, I've still seen some people who live in real hardship and now that I find myself wandering the hospitals running after doctors, when I look about me I can see many people who are facing some real hardships as far as illness goes!!   Just when I'm wanting to feel sorry for myself, somehow I always see or find someone who REALLY is going through difficulties and I can't help but feel so relieved and grateful that it's not me wearing that pair of shoes!!!

I know that my living in Brazil doesn't make it an exception and that true hardship is only found here - I'm not stupid!   It doesn't matter where on this earth we live, there is hardship everywhere in some form or another and when I look at my own life, I feel GRATEFUL that I have so much and that I was so fortunate not to have some really horrendous crippling disease!!   It sure cuts my pitty party really short!!   I've become an incredible fan of Steven Hawking for there is a man who even though he was faced with an incredibly horrible disease, he's not allowed it to affect his love for life and determination to make the very best of what he has available to him and who he is as a person!!!   Oh how I wish I had half the courage that man has for he's got to be perhaps the bravest man I've ever seen!!   He inspires me to continue pushing harder for if he could do all that he does with such an imprisoned life, then I've got TONS I can do with this horrendously allergic body!!!   It's just allergies, after all!   I think I can live with it, don't you ?!!! Smiley


HUGS!
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Don´t forget, there is so much more to life than being sick!
 
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iamnotalone
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Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #16 - 05/21/12 at 04:55:53
 
Lisa;
Thank you.
Well put about the "pity party" too. There is a fine line between knowing when people ask about our masto, if they're just being polite-or genuinely curious. Undecided   I feel we need to let people know (especially healthcare professionals) so they become more aware.
I also show family & friends pictures of my flares when they ask. They get that horrified/pitying look on their faces Roll Eyes I don't Want that. I explain that I dont want Them to be offended when I can't commit to things, &/or have to cancel out on them. Embarrassed  My physical therapist took the time to look it up & I am so proud of him , for he thought it was "really interesting" ! Cheesy  My dentist has also researched it, & he may never have another patient with masto, but who knows... Huh  I always end my "informative" explanations with "There a lot of people who are Much worse off than I am!" Sad   I am blessed to have the life I have & the people, (well Most of em) Wink in it.
lori
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kimtg68
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Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #17 - 05/21/12 at 14:12:54
 
I still can't get DH to undrrstand this stuff. We've had some more major house projects that I've tried SO hard to help out with. Never mind JUST the MCAS issues but a torn hip labrel, carpel tunnel in both wrists, tennis AND golfers elbow on both elbows.I started out gun ho and felt better then I had in a long time........UNTIL I crashed. He thinks because I was doing so good staying busy working that that is the key. SIGH! He said its more like the reality of how life is anyway. So frustrating.

I really enjoyed the many answers you all gave. Thanks!
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Lisa
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Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #18 - 05/23/12 at 15:54:51
 
Kim, when it comes to differences between men and women when we get sick, I REALLY think that the men are MUCH, MUCH SMARTER than we are.  

We are the stupid ones who try to show how TOUGH we are!  And the way that women have been told that they can do anything a man can do, I honestly think that we are out and out mental retards for WE ARE NOT EQUALS and WE CAN NOT DO IT ALL!!!!!!!!

I am NOT superwoman and never was.  My body is different from a man´s and I don´ve have the strength and stamina a man does and never did, even without the masto.   Well, now that it´s out and active, I´ve EVEN LESS RESISTANCE THAN EVER!!!    

And yet, we´re the dodo´s who PUSH ourselves BEYOND OUT LIMITS and HIDE IT because we´re afraid of being weaker as though it meant we were INFERIOR!!    Somehow this is the Feminism Movement gone awry, for although we´ve been fed this stuff since the early 60s, for the majority of us, this is almost our entire lives now, we feel GUILTY for not being able to do it all!!

THIS IS SO, SO, VERY WRONG!!!!!! Angry

Men are MUCH smarter than we are for when they are sick, they ARE SICK and they will call it quits and do nothing for as long as they need to in order to recuperate.  Granted, you have exceptions to both how the women are and the men, but I´m talking generalities here, not specifics.   Men, on the whole, will play patient whereas we women play MARTYRE and we will PUSH OURSELVES just to make sure that we´re not seen to be lying about in bed, for we correlate sickness as WEAKNESS.  

Yes, I´m being a bit hard on us women, but I can remember when my mom would get the flu.  It wasn´t often and I can´t say how many times she must have felt awful with a cold or an infection of some kind and she never talked about it and would push her way through it and make meals, etc.   I´m not talking about this, for I too have pushed my way through 3 c-sections and colds and odd viruses with my 3 children depending on me.   However, I´m talking about when we´re in a bad situation, not just the stupid reactings.   I can remember my Dad taking over every now and again and my mom absolutely prostrate in the bed from having a bad flu or so.   My Dad would put their bedroom as off limits, would jump down our throats if we made a noise above 1 decimal, and prohibited any kind of activity which might wake her or disturb her, including open rebellion against his cooking! Tongue    The entire household would walk on tip toe for fear of disturbing my mom and we wouldn´t see or hear from her as long as Dad was around to stand guard!   And she would respect her sickness and stay in bed!

I think they had a much better idea of how to deal with illness than we do now in that neither sex considered women as Iron Ladies, invincible and strong.   If you were sick, you were sick and that was all there was to it.  You did what you could, but if you couldn´t there wasn´t a guilt trip that either you or your partner put on you.  

So, Kim, I know how you think and feel for I too do this very same self-defeating behavior! Sad  When I had to go into my hysterectomy 5 years ago, I had made the decision then that I was not going to do what I did with my 3 c-sections, but I was going to play the proper patient and NOT PUSH MYSELF!!!!!    I´ve tried very hard ever since to follow this very same decision with my subsequent surgeries.  Interesting is that with my open heart surgery, a surgery that really requires that very attitude, I couldn´t not push myself.  Circumstances kept forcing me to disobey this decision and go in to work for brief periods, but for the most part I did respect it.  Yet, with that surgery, the recovery is a long process and it took a full 18 months to really say I was recovered and back up to my pre-surgical strength.   And having to push myself became a necessity in order to recoup that strength - babying myself would have been detrimental.  

So, balance and common sense must rule.  

But Kim, every now and again you need to remind your husband as well as yourself that YOU ARE SICK and living with an incurable disease.   And you need to say it very seriously so that this hits home, for unless you do, they will never really get it, and neither will you, and that can be dangerous.


TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF - YOU ARE ALL YOU´VE GOT!!


Hugs!

Lisa
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« Last Edit: 05/25/12 at 05:37:37 by Lisa »  

Don´t forget, there is so much more to life than being sick!
 
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ruth
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Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #19 - 05/23/12 at 20:02:03
 
Agree wholeheartedly Lisa, with or without illness issues. One of my favorite (post-feminist) quotes is

"I can do anything but I can't do everything"
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kimtg68
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Re: Learning how to explain
Reply #20 - 05/25/12 at 03:01:34
 
Lisa thank you for the 'mom talk'. I NEEDED THAT.  You are absolutely correct on so many levels. I don't remind him, or myself, that I'm sick. I do just the opposite and push and pretend often that I'm still that healthy hard working gal I used to be.
On a positive note, we are going to his sisters house this weekend for a cookout. They keep their house quite warm. He specifically asked them to turn there AC down for me so if I get over heated outside (temps expected in the 90's) I can go inside to cool off. WOW! He truly shocked me. I was honest with him and told him how shocked I was because it seems like he disregards so much of the things I do, can't do, react to and avoid. He clarified for me that he knows how the heat affects me because he can see me turn purple! I believe this is the first time he has ever acknowledged my illness.
ANYWAY, thanks again.
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