I was going along during the day just peachy and fine!  I didn't have any diarrhea, or stomach pain, no flushing nor nausea, nothing that would make me think that I was living with this chronic disease!   I was going along just fine, working at my computer and just being a NORMAL person!!

Then...my 13 year old son came over, asked me some questions and because I was concentrating on some work, the very normal questions and his need to have some answers and explanations irritated me!  He came around to mess with may cell phone afterwards and to show me the neat things he did on it, and it irritated me!!  Then he put on a song and wanted me to hear the song and I was beginning to feel pressed to get my work done cause it was time to make dinner and it IRRITATED ME!!   and I thought, it's this work and the stress to get it done which is making me snap at my son!  So, mentally I reasoned it out and kept on working.  Then all of a sudden, the music on my computer (Enya of all people) was a bit too loud and IRRITATING!!  And I then lost patience with my work and I thought WHAT IS WRONG???  WHY IS EVERYTHING ALL OF A SUDDEN SO VERY IRRITATING AND NOW OVERWHELMING ME?   WHY AM I ALSO SUDDENLY EXHAUSTED?   IT'S ONLY 4:30!!!  IT'S NOT TIME FOR MEDICINE YET!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!


Yes, it WAS time for medicine and after the coin fell into the slot that it was suddenly upon me once again that I had come to the end of the line and was needing my medications once again, and had taken my meds that I realized what had happened!!


I HATE having my body turn upon me suddenly and without any real warning!

I HATE that I will suddenly turn into this wicked witch of the south and become INCREDIBLY IRRITATED without any just cause and without even realizing why or what was wrong!

I HATE that from one day to the next that there is NO CONSISTENCY to this disease and that I can never be properly prepared to deal with it!

I HATE that even when I'm faithful with my meds, there still is NO WAY to have total control over the situation!!

I HATE that I can have a GOOD DAY so quickly pulled up short and have it go so quickly down the drain!!

I HATE that my emotions are thrown into the midst of all of this and that they only end up FEEDING THE FIRE when I allow them to become involved!

I HATE that there is always this delicate tight rope walk that I must do every single day and that there is no way to even know if I'm going to have a good day so that I can take full advantage of it!

I HATE that I can't have just one day where I am TOTALLY free from some kind of symptom of this disease happening!!


Now, for as much venting that I have done, I must balance this, for there are many things which I am thankful for in return!


I'M SO THANKFUL that this is NOT cancer!

I'M SO THANKFUL that this will not cut me down by next month or next week, or later on today!

I'M SO THANKFUL that I will live to see my grandchildren (if a truck doesn't get me first! haha!)

I'M SO THANKFUL that I have no weird growths, or disfigurement, or that I'm paralyzed, in spite of how many limitations that I have encountered due to this disease!

I'M SO THANKFUL that I have become so much more sensitive to the needs of others and for their suffering and am more open to helping and ministering to them because of my own suffering and needs!

I AM A RICHER AND BETTER PERSON FOR MY BEING STRICKEN WITH THIS CHRONIC DISEASE AND BELIEVE IT OR NOT, I AM THANKFUL THAT I HAVE GOTTEN SICK WITH IT!!   I have never met so many WONDERFUL AND TRULY TREMENDOUS PEOPLE BEFORE IN MY LIFE if it were not for having masto - people whom I would NEVER have had the honor to meet if I had not gotten sick!   I have discovered so many wonderful things about myself that I never knew and have GROWN and MATURED and this is NEVER a BAD THING!!    

SO, believe it or not, I AM THANKFUL FOR MASTO!!!  I don't like being sick and going through all that this disease puts me through, but, I also don't like being overweight, or having to wear glasses, and would like to be even taller and a bit younger, but I can't change these things any more than I can change the fact that I am sick, soo... I have learned to accept it as a reality of my life, something that is unchangeable and learned to MAKE MY LIFE RICHER IN SPITE OF IT!!!!!


LISA